break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
