My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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