She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
