this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
