I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize