Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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