Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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