Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
