I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
