sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
