He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
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Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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