Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
