I can't watch pbs sober anymore
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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