This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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