The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
