dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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