Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
