I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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