Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
