I met the friendliest cop last night
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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