I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
