Whatcha textin bout Willis?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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