I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
