Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
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I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You are a genius and a whore.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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