Porn is love you can see.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
