Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize