Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
