dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
