Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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