I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
