I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
