Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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