Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize