White coat. Heels.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
