WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
