I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
