considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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