Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
