we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
