just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
