I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
