worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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