walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
