STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
someone owes me an orgasm
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
