Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
