We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
