remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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