she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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