He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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