summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
