So drunk its hurt
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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