There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
