Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
