well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
