I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
