The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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