Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
