Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
