I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
