it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
