When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
