Will you blow on my dice?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
