Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
