And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
