i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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