so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
that is very illegal...i love you.
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