i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
