U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
