I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
FUCK WHALES
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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