I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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