So drunk its hurt
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.