I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.