I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.