You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.